An electrical engineer, a technician, a NASA employee. Those were the people Claire Doty thought she was going on first dates with last year after matching with them on Hinge. But each time she showed up for drinks, she discovered her date was unemployed and not looking for a serious relationship.
A person’s being unemployed wasn’t a deal breaker for Ms. Doty, 27, a marketing analytics manager in San Diego. But she felt uneasy about what she viewed as her dates’ lack of initiative to find work and worried about the instability of dating someone who might land a job across the country at any moment.
She turned to TikTok to share her frustrations about dating unemployed men. One of the top-liked user comments read: “Honestly, an unemployed person shouldn’t be looking for anything serious. They need to be locked in on getting a career as a priority.”
Entry-level workers and recent graduates are facing the grimmest job market since the height of the Covid-19 pandemic. The job market and rising costs have also made it more “socially acceptable” for younger generations to delay milestones such as marriage, said Jason Dorsey, a generational researcher and a co-author of the book “Zconomy.”
As a result, around one-third of single, unemployed Americans have paused or stopped dating, according to a new survey from Credit Karma that polled 500 adults who were unemployed and single. In interviews, unemployed workers said they were pursuing coffee dates, walks in the park or other inexpensive date ideas. Otherwise, they were putting their dating lives on hold until they found a job.
Financial experts suggest that those in this position make sure the costs of essentials like housing, food, and existing financial obligations are fully covered before dating. From there, set a realistic, limited budget for discretionary spending, including dating, and keep track of it consistently, said Chandler Riggs, vice president and financial consultant at Fidelity Investments.
Some young adults feel pressure to find a life partner despite career instability, while others postpone serious relationships until they feel financially secure. Single, unemployed Americans have paused or stopped dating because they’d rather wait until they are more financially stable or because they don’t feel like their best selves now, according to Credit Karma’s survey.
Attitudes toward dating someone unemployed seem to be shifting, though. Tawkify, a matchmaking service, found in a survey of 1,010 U.S. adults that about 29 percent considered unemployment a dating red flag. This reflects a generational change as young adults become more likely to separate a person’s worth from his or her job title or income, Mr. Dorsey said.
“The real question people should be asking isn’t ‘Can I date?’ It’s ‘Am I financially stable enough to date without adding stress to what’s already a stressful situation?’” said Elizabeth Miskovich, a private wealth adviser with Northwestern Mutual. “Those are very different questions, and the answer to the second one tells you a lot more.”
Prioritizing the Job Hunt
Carlij Taylor wishes she had five more days in her week.
For the past six months, while completing her final year at Santa Monica College, she has been searching for a full-time job. She has applied to around 200 roles and has heard back from only a handful of employers.
Dating hasn’t been any easier. Ms. Taylor, 36, has gone on five dates, but living in Los Angeles has turned dating into its own kind of job search: low callbacks, uncertain outcomes and a lot of effort for someone she may never see again. Recently, she matched with someone on Hinge. She planned on going on a first date with him and agreed to drive over an hour to meet him for drinks — until he said he would pay only for himself. After this experience, she took a step back from dating.
“It just gave me the ick,” Ms. Taylor said. “Job hunting has definitely been the priority in my life. I need to survive.”
She briefly considered deleting Hinge after her paid subscription ended but kept the free version, since it’s still one of her main ways of meeting people. It can feel isolating watching friends in her social circle move forward in relationships and careers, she said, while she’s still searching for both.
“The truth is, if your finances are strapped and you’re on your own and you don’t really have the support of a partner or people around, really it comes down to survival at that point,” Ms. Taylor said. “Everything else takes the back seat.”
Not Putting Life on Pause
In the Credit Karma survey, more than a quarter of respondents said they had turned down date activities they couldn’t afford, while 27 percent said they had pivoted to cheaper or free dates.
A year ago, CerVon Campbell, a 28-year-old comedian in Greenville, S.C., went on a date with a woman who had recently been laid off. He suggested a low-cost night at the restaurant and arcade chain Dave & Buster’s. But when they arrived, Mr. Campbell said, she told him that he would be financially responsible for the evening since she was unemployed — and asked him to cover multiple rounds of drinks.
He said the dynamic had left him second-guessing their compatibility. He also said their conversations about her goals and career plans didn’t leave him confident about where she was headed. They continued talking for about a month before he decided things weren’t moving forward.
Still, he said he wouldn’t rule out dating someone who was unemployed, as long as the person was making a constant effort to change her situation and had the right mind-set to date.
Taylor McGee Campbell quit her job as a lawyer in October after burning out and has since struggled to make a career pivot. She has been applying across communications, marketing, nonprofit and journalism-adjacent roles, but repeated rejections and ghosting by employers led her to pick up a side gig as a travel agent to earn some income.
After leaving her job, she moved back in with her parents in a small Georgia town. She hasn’t put dating on hold, but because most of the locals are older than she is, she said, she has gone out on just two dates with mutual friends in nearby cities. Neither turned into anything serious.
“I’m 27, and I’m back living in my childhood bedroom with my parents, and that doesn’t blend in very well with dating, of course,” Ms. Campbell said. “Also, I just can’t find enough work, or I can’t get a job that’s enough to be able to live independently again.”
She isn’t alone. Gail Goldberg, a Gen X-er and freelance writer, recently moved back home with her mother in New Jersey as she sublets her home in San Francisco until September to save money. Her freelance income became less consistent over the past two years as her employers downsized or became more dependent on artificial intelligence, she said.
A friend living in the area recently offered to set her up through a dating app. Ms. Goldberg, who has never been married, said she valued her own independence and would rather look for employment than a love interest. And dating while older and living in her parent’s home with plans to move soon can be “a bit awkward” when meeting people for the first time, she said.
“I just need to take care of myself and know I feel good, and I’m OK,” Ms. Goldberg said. “And then the plan is to hopefully get out there again.”
