An affair can wreak havoc on a relationship – but scientists have now revealed which couples are most likely to survive infidelity.
Experts have found key differences between people who break up when one person cheats and those who choose to stay together.
You’re more likely to stay with someone who has cheated on you if you’re married, engaged or in a long-term relationship, they found.
And the person who cheated on you is more likely to call off the affair and stick around if they are still in love with you.
‘Infidelity is one of the most devastating events in a relationship, yet many couples choose to reconcile and stay together in its aftermath,’ the team wrote in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.
‘The strongest predictors of relationship preservation were love for commitment-breaking partners and formalisation of the relationship – marriage, engagement, long-term relationship – for betrayal-experiencing partners.’
Their study revealed that more than three-quarters of people who cheated, or who were cheated on, ended up staying together.
Take our quiz below to find out whether your relationship has what it takes to survive an affair.
For the study, the team surveyed 1,151 people who had cheated and 2,278 whose partners had cheated.
They were asked to fill out questionnaires on their relationships before, during and after the affair, including how the cheating was discovered, their feelings towards their partners and whether they ultimately stayed together.
The researchers also asked about factors such as marriage, engagement, children, relationship quality, therapy and feelings towards the affair partner.
‘For betrayal-experiencing partners, by far the strongest predictor of staying together with one’s original partner was the type of relationship,’ they said.
Those who were married, engaged and in long-term relationships were much more likely to stay with their partner, they found.
When the person who had an affair gave reassurance, answered questions, validated their partner’s feelings, gave affection and talked to their partner, this also boosted the likelihood that the couple would stay together.
Unsurprisingly, blocking the person they had an affair with also helped.
A huge 93 per cent of long-term couples stayed together when the cheating partner answered their questions and cut contact with their affair partner.
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When those who initiated an affair were questioned, it emerged that those who still loved their other half – and had no strong feelings for their affair partner – were most likely to stay.
Even those who admitted to falling in love with their affair partner were more likely to stay with their original companion in the long run than leave them.
‘For commitment-breaking partners, their love for their original partner persisting throughout the affair was by far the strongest predictor that they would end the affair and reconcile,’ the researchers said.
The experts, led by US-based relationship psychologist Dr Kathy Nickerson, cautioned that the high levels of relationship preservation recorded in their study may not apply to the general population.
That’s because participants were recruited through social media communities focused on reconciliation after infidelity, meaning they were already leaning towards staying together.
‘This study… challenged three pervasive myths about infidelity,’ the team wrote.
‘The first myth is that preserving one’s relationship after an affair is rare or nearly impossible.
‘Among individuals accessing social media contents on post-infidelity recovery and reconciliation, preserving one’s relationship emerged as the more common outcome.
‘The second myth is that love is incompatible with infidelity.
‘Many unfaithful partners reported continuing to love their spouse or partner, and love itself often served as the foundation for relationship preservation.
‘The third myth is that relationship quality inevitably deteriorates after an affair.
‘For many couples, especially from the perspective of the commitment-breaking partner, relationship quality was reported to improve rather than decline.’
