It is one of the biggest questions in modern dating – how soon is too soon to get in touch after the first date?
Luckily a scientific study can now provide an answer.
If you really like someone, send them a message the next morning after the date.
Sending a message the same night, immediately after the date, may seem romantic, but is likely to make the other person less keen on starting a relationship and can appear ‘needy’.
And while it may be tempting to ‘play it cool’ and wait a couple of days to text the other person, that can make you look unreliable, which could be a dating red flag.
The findings, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, come from in–depth dating questions presented to 543 people – almost three–quarters of whom were from the UK, and who were aged 18 to 79.
Psychologists told each of these volunteers to imagine they had gone on a date to a ‘nice Italian restaurant’.
A third of the group were asked for their reaction if the other person texted them ‘immediately after having said goodbye at the end of your date’.
People had the greatest intention of starting a relationship if their date got in touch approximately six hours after meeting
Another third were asked how they would feel if they received a message the next morning, while the final third of the group gave their response to being texted after two days.
People who were told their date had texted the next morning were more likely to want a relationship with them, based on a short questionnaire which asked them to rate how strongly they agreed with sentences like ‘I am willing to form a long–term relationship’.
Those told they had received a message after two days were the least interested in starting a relationship.
Professor David Loschelder, senior author of the study from Leuphana University of Lüneburg, said: ‘Knowing the right time to text after a date is such a difficult question.
‘The character Barney Stinson, on the television show How I Met Your Mother, famously recommended waiting three days to call someone after a date, but we were sceptical that this was the right time period before getting in touch and wanted to do a proper study.
‘It turns out that one can text both too soon and too late, with the sweet spot falling on the morning after the date occurred.’
The psychologists conclude that ‘a moderate delay in texting’ – waiting until the next morning – ‘strikes the right balance’.
However their study suggests waiting two days after a date to get in touch is the worst option of the three considered.
It is one of the biggest questions in modern dating – how soon is too soon to get in touch after the first date? Luckily a scientific study can now provide an answer (stock image)
Meanwhile texting right after the date, on the same night, has some significant advantages.
People told their date had messaged straight away rated their likely chemistry with that person the highest.
They also said they were more likely to get in touch with that person again, such as to arrange a date.
That may be because they rated that person as more reliable, and thought the person liked them more, compared to people receiving a message later.
Getting an immediate text may dial down someone’s fear of rejection, so that they are more likely to try to see that person again.
People, particularly women, did rate their dates highly for ‘neediness’ if they sent a message immediately after a date.
But this did not appear to affect their interest in having a relationship with them.
A separate survey by the same team, involving 100 people from the UK and US, found people had the greatest intention of starting a relationship if their date got in touch approximately six hours after meeting.
Anything sooner than 20 minutes after the date was judged too early for a message, and anything more than 40 hours later was leaving it too long.
The researchers, at Leuphana University of Lüneburg in Germany, next want to investigate how exactly what people say in their messages after a date affects the chances of a relationship developing.
Dr Lars Teichmann, who led the study from Leuphana University, said: ‘We’ve all been there, staring at a half–written text in the taxi home, wondering if we’ll look too desperate if we hit send.
‘Our data takes the guesswork out of it.
‘While texting immediately can signal high chemistry, the “morning after” is best.
‘Interestingly, women were more concerned about the timing of when their date texted, suggesting it may have more of an impact for them – perhaps because they are more selective in who they choose for a relationship.’
