HERE we go again . . . Meghan invading her own privacy with a cutesy, seemingly off-the-cuff (as if) video posted to her 1.8million Instagram followers.
The “Duchess of Sussex” has announced that her fledging brand American Riviera Orchard has already been renamed As Ever.
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Whatever.
If the patent applications are anything to go by, she’s about to start flogging us not just “fruit preserves” (aka jam) but everything from napkins and haircare to trowels and pruning forks. Hold me back.
As ever (see, it’s catching on already), Meghan is centre stage of the project, which will capitalise on the release of her imminent Netflix show With Love, Meghan, in which she will let us in on all her little home-making secrets.
Step one: Marry a British prince who can afford a nine-bed, 16-bathroom mansion in California.
Talking of which, Prince Harry who, lest we forget, vented at his family in the self-pitying memoir Spare, is reduced to an out-of-sight bit part, handing her the phone with the words, “it’s recording”.
Oh the irony. Spare indeed.
But then, being happily married with two gorgeous children is all part of the deal when it comes to selling an idyllic home life to the buying public.
Hence the girly giggle to her off-camera husband and the cover photo for As Ever’s website, which shows Meghan running hand in hand with daughter Lilibet across a lawn.
You can’t see the child’s face but if, as the couple have repeatedly said, you want complete privacy for your kids, then it’s probably best to leave them out of any public-facing initiatives altogether.
As an actress, Meghan is clearly accomplished at speaking to camera as if she’s been caught in an unguarded moment.
And this short recording of her looking casual in a white shirt, jeans and ponytail is a classic example of that.
It’s a reminder that, had she stayed in the UK as part of the Royal Family, she would have been a great asset to various charity initiatives.
But the decision to walk out and plough their own furrow rapidly led to realisation that, in the dog-eat-dog world of corporate America, being an ex-royal doesn’t cut the mustard if there’s no other skill set to go with it.
And that their expensive lifestyle doesn’t pay for itself.
Hence why Meghan is now trying to flog us over-priced mustard etc to pay the bills.
She and Harry want the cake of constantly bleating about their need for privacy while eating up whatever profit they can make by flogging themselves to the highest bidder.
As Ever.
LOVELY LIPPY’S A GOOD START, MAURA
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MY delightful I’m A Celebrity campmate Maura Higgins is the face of Mac make-up’s newest campaign for “nude” lipsticks.
And bless her, she’s sent me a goody bag of samples. Thanks Maura.
Now, can you please send me the body to go with it?
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ARE YOU CHER?
WHEN Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively tried to laugh off their feud with Justin Baldoni at a star-studded event in LA, it was reported that onlookers Kevin Costner and Cher looked less than amused.
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Oh I don’t know.
These self-celebratory sleb-fests can go on a bit, so one suspects Yellowstone actor Kevin was yearning for his bed and merely trying to see the time on someone else’s watch.
And as for Cher, she’s had the same expression for the past 20 years . . . so who knows?
IRANIAN ORDEAL OF OWN MAKING
WITH the UK weather so nippy, you’re probably dreaming of the summer and scrolling through options of where you might venture on holiday.
A British resort, perhaps? Or maybe a short hop to the Costa del Sol?
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But what’s the betting none of you are thinking: “Hmmm, I hear that Iran is lovely for a quick getaway?”
And even if you were mad enough to even contemplate it, a cursory glance at the Foreign Office website would tell you that it “advises against” there.
To hammer it home, there’s a map of the region coloured in red for danger and the warning that British nationals are “at significant risk of arrest, questioning or detention”.
Yet all of the above was disregarded by British couple Craig and Lindsay Foreman who, by their own admission, decided to travel there “despite the advice of friends, family, and the FCDO”.
Get them back
‘Yes, we’re aware of the risks,” they posted.
“But we also know the rewards of meeting incredible people, hearing their stories, and seeing the breathtaking landscapes of these regions could far outweigh the fear . . . We hope to share the beauty, hospitality and humanity that often go unnoticed.”
Sigh. Their belief the presence of incredible people negates the chances of encountering the corrupt and opportunistic within a tyrannical regime is naive, and they have now been arrested and reportedly charged with espionage.
Their poor family – whose concerns they ignored – are distressed, concerned and having to focus on trying to get them back.
Meanwhile, the Foreign Office – whose warnings also went unheeded – is now in contact with the authorities in Iran, so let’s wait and see what the deal is.
But what’s the betting that it won’t be, “Oh sorry, honest mistake, we’ll release them with no strings attached.”
I sincerely hope it gets resolved and, in the meantime, that they’re being treated well.
But the fact remains this regrettable situation was entirely avoidable.
NOT MUCH USE
THE research proof is in – young people are confused by food labels and, consequently, waste a lot of produce that’s perfectly edible.
Pretty much every Boomer parent could have told them this.
In Britain alone we waste 10million tonnes of food, much of it because people are “overly precautionary” about sell by/best before/use by dates.
Having been brought up by a war baby who would happily cut off the mould from a loaf and declare “it’s fine”, the only dates I pay heed to are “use by” on fish and chicken.
The rest of the time I use the best indicators of all for restricting food waste – my eyes and nose.
IDEAS ARE SO DATED
A NEW TV show is reportedly in development that’s being described as the spawn of The Apprentice and Love Island.
Called The Ultimate Power Couple, it will put lovers through challenges to uncover the best business duo.
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Ye Gods. Is there any TV format that has been milked as dry as the dating/relationship genre?
Not even middle-aged blokes doing buddy travel shows comes close.
Ever since Blind Date was a smash hit, we’ve had Love Island, Love Is Blind, Married At First Sight, Temptation Island, Ex On The Beach, Dating Around, Dated And Related, The Later Daters, The Boyfriend, Perfect Match, Too Hot to Handle, Beauty And The Geek, The Bachelorette . . . I could fill this page with examples.
And now it’s bleeding in to the challenge formats.
Whatever next . . . Traitors: Couples Special? Where do I send the invoice?
DON’T BOOB
NEW research reveals that 21 per cent of women are skipping breast cancer scans because they are either worried about going topless, haven’t found a lump, or think it will hurt.
Trust me, none of the above will come even close to being told that you have advanced breast cancer and you could have caught it early.
