It may sound jarring, but middle school is the prime time to start to secure college success.
“The college admissions process is more competitive than ever before, and top schools are seeking students who are experts in their field of interest with a demonstrated history of leadership in their communities,” said Gabe Cramer, managing director of mentoring at Command Education, an elite college consulting firm headquartered in NYC. “Becoming this kind of student doesn’t happen overnight, and the earlier a student begins cultivating these skills, the more equipped they will be for high school and the college admissions process.”
Cramer noted that while middle school accomplishments will not be included on your college applications, students should not “kick back” before high school. In fact, middle school often establishes the foundation for future educational triumphs. As Rebecca Winthrop, co-author with Jenny Anderson of “The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better,” (January 7, 2025; Crown), put it, “Middle school is the magic middle where study habits, time management, and motivation kick in or go off the rails.”
Expanding on that sentiment, Cramer shared that simple activities such as volunteering, seeking extra help from a tutor or participating in sports camps can be enriching opportunities for middle school students. “While they likely won’t have the time or skill set to execute a passion project or secure an internship, beginning to engage with their interests outside the classroom and seek independent learning opportunities will help them build critical skills,” he said.
Ahead, these education pros reveal exactly how you can set the stage for top-tier university admissions during your child’s tween years.
Why you should have a middle school master plan
Remember when getting straight As, starring in a few school plays and acing your SATs were enough to have Yale and Columbia vying for your matriculation? No more.
At top schools, Cramer highlighted that applicant pools are swelling and admissions rates are plummeting. “Standing out against thousands of other applicants requires more than participating on the robotics team, publishing poetry in the school newspaper, or participating in a rigorous, merit-based summer program,” he said. “A stellar candidate at an Ivy League school is doing all of these things in addition to interning at an engineering firm, publishing their research, lobbying for issues in their community in their State Senate or inventing a new technology to address a need they’ve identified. In other words, they are participating in the highest level of activities possible to demonstrate exceptional, tangible knowledge of their field of interest. A student simply cannot reach this level of engagement if they are only beginning to explore their interests during their junior year.”
Beyond the Ivies and their brethren, Cramer noted that this level of preparation is equally important when it comes to applying for competitive private schools, which look for similar academic excellence and demonstrated engagement with one’s passions.
That said, Cramer is wary of parents taking a “tiger mom” approach during this crucial time. Instead, tweens and teens in their middle school years should use this timeframe to hone in on what lights them up inside and their genuine interests.
“Excelling in the college admissions process often comes down to genuine passion. The impressive activities on a student’s résumé should testify to their authentic love of their chosen discipline — and this is something that cannot be manufactured,” said Cramer. “The benefit of starting early is that middle school students can explore and discover their interests without pressure,” he elaborated.
In a similar vein, Anderson believes parents often misjudge this juncture in their education, thinking kids should get a leg up on math or get ahead in science. “What they need is to figure out how to start their work, organize it and study. That self-awareness and time management will be crucial in high school when the demands on their time pile up,” Anderson said. “Want a kid who has a killer essay? Help them [determine] who they are and what they care about now, before the stakes get high and there’s less room for experimentation. That moment is middle school.”
Friendly advice: Don’t impose your unfulfilled childhood dreams on your offspring. Reena B. Patel, a parenting expert and Licensed Educational Board Certified Behavior Analyst based in San Diego, Calif., reports that she often sees parents or guardians trying to control or change passions based on their own aspirations. “Allowing your child to find their own interests and passions is key for long-term success and the only way they will truly find success and happiness in the same passion,” she said.
Make a candid and trusting relationship a priority
What are all the private fencing lessons and chess tournament chauffeuring worth if your kid can’t come to you when they have an issue?
Patel wants all middle school parents to know that fostering a healthy and nonjudgmental parent-child relationship is paramount. “This will give them the position to want to come to you and share their passions and interests openly with you,” said Patel. “Supporting them and being open and honest is also key so that you can collaboratively communicate on what these passions look like, what commitments and responsibilities may look like and get their buy in moving forward.”
Zoom in on soft skills
It’s A-OK if your kid isn’t reading AP Physics textbooks in their spare time or practicing for their violin recital at Carnegie Hall during middle school years. When it comes to classes and extracurriculars, Cramer emphasized that now is the time for students to cast a wide net, try new things and seek to expand their skill set.
Rather than an obsession with achievements and accolades, experts state that refining skills like time management and effective communication is what matters most during the middle school years.
“Parents should keep in mind that one of the most important areas for targeted improvement during middle school is soft-skill development. Ivy League-bound students are often distinguished by their command of critical ‘soft skills’ such as time management, communication, organization and critical thinking,” said Cramer. Doing so “…will lay the foundation for success when students face greater academic challenges and extracurricular responsibilities in high school,” he continued.
The earlier they get a leg up on this, the more time your child has to practice and improve these essential life tools. Here are three straightforward guidelines Anderson, who is also a journalist and writer of the How to Be Brave parenting Substack, and Winthrop, the director of the Center for Universal Education at Brookings and an adjunct professor at Georgetown University, say parents can implement in middle school to enhance their soft skills.
Build their organizational skills
“Don’t micromanage or monitor, meaning don’t do their homework for them or pick the topic for their project. The more you do, the less they learn to do,” said Anderson. “Offer help when they need it, but wherever possible, let them practice planning so they learn to make a plan.”
Don’t look for a child’s singular passion either, but rather some broader interests. “Middle school is a complicated time when kids want to ‘stand out to fit in’ — to conform but also find ways to be singular,” said Winthrop. “Let them.”
Importantly, Winthrop notes if your child or children are struggling academically, don’t take away their interests (aside from endless gaming and social media). “Having an area where they shine is motivating. Interests are the canvas on which skills are built,” they said.
You can also connect the dots between school learning and real world utility. Studying atomic structure? Winthrop suggests discussing how atoms and electrons release energy to emit light, using glow sticks as a real-life example to inspire critical thinking. “Use water and a microwave to explain how hydrogen and oxygen atoms in water molecules absorb energy and heat up,” Winthrop added as another example.
Empower your child to take the reins — now
As a middle schooler, it’s time your kid has a voice as a decision-maker.
Cramer recommends starting with something as simple as sitting down to review a club list and discussing how many clubs they want to join: Ask questions like, “If you join two clubs and a sport, when do you plan to do your homework? When will you have downtime? When will you be able to see your friends? Do you think it will allow for a balance between fun and schoolwork?”
Your child may not have concrete answers to these questions quite yet, said Cramer, but this kind of discussion will lay the groundwork for critically evaluating opportunities available to them in the future. On the flip side, Cramer cautioned against asking questions like “do you like art club?” Instead, he said to ask them reflective questions like: “What did you most like and dislike about the project you just finished in art club?
Accordingly, you can also help your child find ways to continue exploring the things they enjoy outside of school, said Cramer. “If the answer to the aforementioned question is ‘I really liked working with clay,’ then the next step may be finding [local] clay workshops” he advised.
“Let them pick their extracurriculars,” echoed Anderson and Winthrop. “Research shows this is where some of the best learning happens. Motivation ignited here can spill over to academics.”
Safeguard your youngster from burnout
One of the biggest faux pas Anderson sees in middle school is parents thinking that kids who are knocking it out of the park on everything are set for life. “Hard work and good grades are admirable and aspirational. But if it becomes about being perfect, there is a good chance that kid will burn out,” she said.
Cramer agrees. Perhaps the greatest mistake middle school parents make is overburdening them with pressure about the looming college admissions process, he said. “Overloading students can lead to stress, burnout, and even resentment toward academic subjects and activities that they would otherwise enjoy,” said Cramer. “Cultivating a love of learning and a curiosity about their interests and talents are far more important — and productive — than training them to stress over an A-.”
