Yeesh. It’s happened again — less than two weeks to go until Christmas and you’re behind on all fronts. That makes two of us.
Well, fear not, my fellow harried holiday friend, because if despite your best intentions you’ve yet to deck the halls or hang a wreath or string up some lights, I’ve got a welcome contraction for you: Don’t. Notice how your shoulders just un-tensed?
Instead, do what I did: Get an inflatable. Surely, you’ve noticed them. How could you not? They’re festive trash bags blown up into seasonally appropriate hot air balloons by a cheap fan motor, and they’re bobbing merrily on front lawns across American suburbia.
Now, when it comes to holiday decor I’m more of a traditionalist — the holly and the ivy, candles in the window, a classy creche — but ever since I purchased our first family inflatable for Halloween, I’ve come to genuinely enjoy these boisterous balloons of buoyant banality.
Is there a better decoration than an inflatable? That’s debatable.
On the plus side, there is zero assembly required. No more dragging the reindeer down from the attic, cursing as hooves knock you on the noggin, a new piece missing each year. No need to untangle that knot of lights only to discover that they’ve gone out during their basement hibernation, sending you out the door on another CVS run — cue the cursing again.
Enough’s enough. Get your inflatable. Plug it in. You’re done. If time is your enemy, inflatables are your friend.
On the downside, some may contend that the vast majority of inflatables, like hippos decked out in Santa hats, a rainbow unicorn with a frog on its back, or a giant gingerbread man soaking in a massive mug of hot cocoa, have only a tangentially tangential relationship to Christmas and the meaning of Jesus, the Son of God, the Word Incarnate, entering into human history as one of us to secure our eternal salvation. Bah. Humbug.
Look, I get it. I’m Catholic and believe that Jesus is the reason for the season. But He’s also the reason for unicorns, dragons and Christmas dinosaurs, so why not convey that through the cheap majesty of inflatable polyester?
So if your neighbors start to complain because you’ve plopped on your front lawn a rotund 10-foot Frosty the Snowman inflatable that plays the holiday special on a continuous loop on its jolly belly, well, in all likelihood they’re a bunch of grinches, and they need this dose of holiday magic more than they know. Trust me, you’re doing them a favor.
Christmas is almost here, but it’s not too late to decorate. This holiday season, inflate your heart. Inflate joy. Inflate wonder. Inflate awe. Inflate an inflatable. Merry Christmas.
Zach Przystup ([email protected]) works for the Fulbright Program at the U.S. Department of State.
