Woman Tired of Obsessing Over ‘Situationships’ Went ‘Boysober’

• Comedian Hope Woodard went viral on TikTok earlier this year when she coined the term “boysober” while documenting her break from dating
• “It just was such a perfect puzzle piece to the conversation people were already having about celibacy and not dating,” Woodard tells PEOPLE
• What came next — going so viral that the term she created was all over Etsy — was something she never could have imagined

When New York City-based comedian and content creator Hope Woodard, 27, decided to publicly share her decision to go without sex or dating for a full year, she had no idea that the endeavor she dubbed “boysober,” would go viral.

After years of unsuccessful attempts at finding love via dating apps, Woodard says that she knew something had to change, and during a visit to Tennessee to visit her ailing grandmother, she had a realization.

“My dating life was like really a mess,” she tells PEOPLE. “While I was hanging out with my grandma I was texting this guy who I was like obsessed with…but he didn’t care about me at all and he was just ghosting me all the time.”

Right there and then, Woodard decided to just take a total break from it all. “Surely, I can figure out how to find purpose in life outside of who I’m dating,” she recalls thinking. “That was the origin of it.”

As the youngest child in her family, Woodard says that the relationships she saw firsthand growing up definitely shaped her opinions as she got older. 

“My parents wanted to make it work so bad but were not meant to be…they fought all the time. So, my earlier examples of love were messy,” she says. “So, dating for me has always been a little bit messy because I do have some classic abandonment issues and trust issues and attachment issues.”

As she abandoned the dating scene and eliminated sex from the menu, Woodard shared her experiences on TikTok, where she has a following of over 430,000). At the time, it was just her journey, but then a phone call with her sister brought about a catchy term that caught on like wildfire. 

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“I was like ‘I think I need to do this for like a full year,’ ” says Woodward, who explains that a previous year-long break from drinking low-key changed her life. “It was the first time I felt like I really got to know myself and I was like, ‘I think I need to do something similar with men and sex,’ ” she recalls.

“And [my sister] was like, ‘Oh, so easy, you’re going boy sober,’ ” Woodard says, “and I was like that is so exactly correct.”

And the term caught on quickly — especially among Gen Z.

“After the conversation with my sister, I started talking about it on TikTok, using that language, using the word ‘boysober,’ ” she says. “The culture was already so ready for a word like that because so many women were already not having sex, so many women were sick of dating, dating apps and just men in general.”

“It just was such a perfect puzzle piece to the conversation people were already having about celibacy and not dating,” Woodard adds, saying that since this was something so many people were doing, all the trend needed to “really blow up” was “a catchy Gen Z internet term for it.”

Still, the self-proclaimed “elder Gen Z” tells PEOPLE she was surprised by just how big things got.

“I had no idea that in three months it was gonna be on Etsy and Twitter,” she says. “I really just thought it was gonna be just me and my little corner of the internet.”

Relationship coach Amie Leadingham, who is in her 40s and married, assures PEOPLE that you don’t have to be a part of Gen Z to catch the vibe.

“This is something I actually did when I was dating and I was like, ‘I totally get this ‘boysober thing,’ ” she says. 

Leadingham says that she works with clients who are frustrated with the dating scene and the many horrors that come with it, and that taking a step back from dating is a good opportunity to refocus and self-reflect. In fact, that’s advice she herself followed when she was younger, and just a few months after pressing pause, she ended up meeting her husband.

Leadingham tells PEOPLE that being “boysober” aligns with current dating trends that see singles prioritizing intentionality when it comes to the relationships they chose to pursue.

“10 years ago with the online dating there were a lot of hookups, people would just jump into relationships, situationships very quickly, and I see a slow down now,” she says. “Everybody has more self-awareness in their choices rather than just going through the motions.”

When it comes to implementing the trend in real life, Leadingham says she advises clients to limit dating apps and social media in an attempt to reset. When they do return to online dating, she says clients should “focus on being the chooser instead of trying to market [yourself] and win them over because at the end of the day your authenticity is what’s going to attract the right person for you.”

For Woodard, “boysober” has been an act of self-care.

“It’s been a way for me to get to know myself and focus on real connections and friendship, and not rely on the validation of dating and dating apps and sex,” she tells PEOPLE.

Woodard adds that while she “loves to fantasize about” being in a committed relationship, she knows that the way she was looking for love just wasn’t it.

Overall, Woodard tells PEOPLE she hopes that “boysober” helps people “get to know themselves better…and ultimately feel more empowered.” 

“I want everyone to make a decision from choice and not from being desperate,” she says. “To feel full and wholehearted and empowered, so that you can truly choose love, sex, rejection, whatever it might be.”